It is a Wild Ride

Once a book comes out it becomes more difficult to write regularly. Marketing mode takes over. You have to get copies to all the people who helped you. You have to announce it to the world and then keep up with it. At the same time you have to put food on your table and gas in your car. Living alone of course makes all that more difficult. I do not have the safety net of a partner to help, bounce ideas off of or comfort when a computer blows up or reviews asked for do not appear.

Yet here I sit contemplating the next chapter of The Great, Grand or maybe another word Hyderabad Adventure Excursions Trip. I have a back log of children’s books needing illustrating which I could do but I have to work up my courage to do so. I want to take an InDesign or Illustrator courseto  strengthen my skills.I need to go join the other painters at Deer Park and oil paint as well. The community chorus I was in was discontinued and the new one I joined disappeared.  It is one of those time periods where I cannot make it happen. For whatever reason if I do not work on art, or a piece of music or do my creative writing I become deeply upset. I know not why just that it is the way it is now. I loved teaching and still do but this creative need in me is so much stronger than that it takes over. It wants what it wants when it wants it but I cannot always give it its due.

In teaching I reached the top. I was a district elementary math specialist who in the first year with the math office, 14 math facilitators and with a new curriculum put in place a program which we pinched until it worked. We ended up with 7 exemplary math elementary campuses. Most of which were poverty level and I was so stunned I did not appreciate the accomplishment until this year. To say in my favor I became a month later so ill that I had to be retired for an underlying disability because of an inherited syndrome and because of my age, amount of stress at work, and a divorce. I was told I could not ever go back to that level of intensity. I took my pain and turned it into something useful but with all the taking from others it took years to fuel back up. There was no cure. How I did it was small bits advice from doctors on moving back into my creative self which I never had an opportunity to develop.

I had always doodled. I have drawings from me teens that out of no where manifested. I know now it was my creative self making its presence known. I wrote essays and stories that gave me scholarship money for college. I even won a 2nd place journalism award in highschool in St. Louis from the Post Dispatch. I have nearly always played guitar and sang in some fashion. Putting a life back together is no small accomplishment. The whole process is humbling. You constantly stumble to go back because that is what you know and you cannot. You put in place the new and because you are older the support system is not there. I can not tell how many women have told me to “act my age” and for the life of me I do not understand. I can only be me and it demands creativity. My other life those who knew me before I cannot be that person anymore. I am still me but my creative side is dominant and much more free spirited which was what I was when young so may parents tell me. My Mom says I am not ill I just returned to my personality at 5 to 7 years old an adult version of course.

The novel manifested it first and then my oil paintings. I combined art and writing in my children’s book, White Shark Cafe. It manifest in songs I compose or interesting wild arrangements on my piano or guitar. The new business I work with is successful. We have had work for nearly 20 weeks now. The foundation is good just have to increase clients and profits. Working with a group of writers accomplishing a task is wonderful. Reading what they create is satisfying and then seeing it on the web still amazes me.I am still learning how to make a living from it. It is stressful having an up and down income. I need a few more items that are bring in a steady stream of money. Any yet if I think about giving it up I am gripped with such anxiety and tears I can hardly breathe. The more creativity I do the healthier I become emotionally,spiritually and mentally. Physically my parents blessed me with a set of wonderful genes that lets me be 54 without any chronic disease. They are in their 70’s and healthy and I hope to do the same. Better yet my Mom says I need a caring partner after all I have been through since I took care of everyone else it should be my turn. But while I wait I think I will start sketching more face ideas for the book—I need a orthongonal concept–Sharlene is about to meet Sajiv’s mother and I have to develop her personality first and oh Chris Tomlin has that new song Waterfall I wonder how that sounds on the guitar and did you know you can double time parts of Tumbakla on the piano and it sounds like people dancing. 


Until next time have a grand escapade,





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